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Great Resource For Novel Writing

Beautiful Vistas in Anxious Dreamscapes

I'm always awed by the pictures that Bing or Microsoft shows me before I log into my computer. Today it's the picture you see above. Of course, when it was on my screen it was a whole lot prettier. Copyrighted by Robert Harding.

Yesterday, daylight savings time started. Zoey asked her dad to stay with us one more day and he granted it.

My dream before I woke up this morning consisted of Eddard that would change into Philip (my youngest brother, my brain has always done this). My dad that really looked more like Ed (my ex) and a girlfriend. We were touring Europe and I was cognizant that this is the third time I've been there.

In my dream I was recalling the last time I was in Europe where I saw a cruise/show ship just like they do in Disneyworld for Fantasmic (somewhere in Paris and in the daytime, Fantasmic is a show they do on water and only at night). This time we were in a strip mall or indoor mall like a flea market.

We stopped at a restaurant that let its customers eat o…

Life Always Gets In The Way

I want to die all of a sudden. A terrible thought that has been my way of coping since 19. I have a life worth saving. Writing is revealing, agonizing, and achingly healing. A vague sense of emotional truth I cannot articulate. I used to be very good at memorizing. All my brain cells performed at their highest performance to survive my childhood. Memory verses. All English, not Tagalog. So much so that I couldn’t read the Tagalog Bible. I could not even pray in Tagalog. Trauma can physiologically distort the functioning of the brain. Our brains can hide and erase memory to protect us from unbearable pain. I don’t think I have forgotten much. Was my tolerance for pain so high that instead of not remembering, I remembered everything? Then, because I remembered I developed an anxiety disorder at 12 and full depression seven years later. Freud suggested that traumatized people will attempt to revisit injury in all its complexity and form, in order to master its terror and regain emotiona…

elizabeth

such a popular name
a strong name 
the name of the first female ruler of the western world she is an only child
but she feels very missed
her thoughts are overcome with darkness
and emptiness. and abandoned 
it's no wonder
the dark is so appealing she likes charles bukowski
she is so sweet and so helpful
but she gives too much of herself
and she is allured by melancholy. i ask her to take my hand
notice us
we don't want you to stay in the dark
realize you are not alone
let go of past hurts. let the dead bury the dead
i write a poetry for her 
but i have struggled also as she has
truth is, there's an "elizabeth" in all of us. we all need each other
we all need to not take another for granted
we all struggle with the dark's beckoning 
and we all have to choose daily whether to heed its call or not.

Forming A Habit of Writing

I've been writing for two years now.

It's on and off. It was for 50 days straight and then life happened.

Then I started taking classes and reading stuff about blogging.

I entered my first NaNoWriMo last year (2016) which I thankfully achieved and again this year.

Forming a writing habit is pretty difficult for me as an overachiever. I think it's because I wrote for a grade most of the time trying to mostly achieve never really writing what's in my mind or what's going on with me. That led to me resenting writing because I never did it for myself.

I grew up with a lot of introjections and I'm a perfectionist. All of these really feeds my critic just saying all kinds of things in my head like,  "I have nothing to offer...you're not a good writer...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."

This year is almost over. Just three more days in it. I haven't sent any holiday cards. I let myself off that hook as well.

I put the Christmas tree up on Christmas eve…

La Poesia by Paul Neruda

Somebody knocked in my soul, Fever or forgotten wings, And I made my own way, deciphering that fire, And I wrote the first, faint line, Faint, without substance, pure Nonsense, pure wisdom of someone who knows nothing and suddenly I saw the heavens unfastened and open.