I AM WRITING

I've been writing for two years now. It's on and off. It was for 50 days straight and then life happened. Then I started taking classes and reading stuff about blogging. I entered my first NaNoWriMo last year (2016) which I thankfully achieved and again this year. Forming a writing habit is pretty difficult for me as an overachiever. I think it's because I wrote for a grade most of the time trying to mostly achieve never really writing what's in my mind or what's going on with me. That led to me resenting writing because I never did it for myself. I grew up with a lot of introjections and I'm a perfectionist. All of these really feeds my critic just saying all kinds of things in my head like,  "I have nothing to offer...you're not a good writer...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." This year is almost over. Just three more days in it. I haven't sent any holiday cards. I let myself off that hook as well. I put the Christmas tree up o

Somebody knocked in my soul, Fever or forgotten wings, And I made my own way, deciphering that fire, And I wrote the first, faint line, Faint, without substance, pure Nonsense, pure wisdom of someone who knows nothing and suddenly I saw the heavens unfastened and open.

There's a fly in my office It keeps circling my head I got out the fly swatter So I can whack it instead. Right after I got back in my office I just kept swinging Whichever way I can Just to see if I can get lucky and strike it somehow. It made me think of a metaphor  Of my writing style My focus and my goal I just get started and just get working. I didn't get the fly And perhaps I'm being hard on myself But sometimes I feel like I'm wandering aimlessly Just like I did when swatting at the fly Just hoping to get lucky. ...and of all the things I can write about I choose this. All of the writing coaches Say "just write" Get in the habit of writing. I get so bogged down in perfecting it. I miss out on writing. Here's a start... I didn't get the fly But I know that it will eventually stop I will eventually get my goal of being a published author. Being a perfectionist Makes me th

When I feel stuck and need to get organized, I just need to click on this-- Writing Fiction

I thought of suicide for the first time when I was 19 years-old. I was a Senior in college, but something happened to me that my community would harshly judge. I fell in a deep dark hole of shame, guilt, and despair. I already know everything they would say. I knew because I thought it before I started falling. I knew because I know them. I was taught to think like them. I was utterly alone. Alone in a hallway with so many doors and when I approached to open it, it said, “Don’t Exit.” I thought, “I’m not exiting I’m entering,” but the sign changed in neon flashing lights and said, “Don’t Enter.” I fell on the ground. Defeated. The only door I can now see says, “suicide.” I started planning how to open that door. Once the door is opened, it’s over. No cry for help, nothing like that. My mind was working so hard through my tears. Looking at scenario after scenario. I worked on top of a mountain for a church summer camp. I was one of the camp counselors. The zigzaggin

“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” That's a quote from Steve Jobs. The answer is a resounding "yes!" It is the first of July, 2017. I embarked on my writing career "full-time" in January 2016. Since then, I've moved residences. Had a couple custody battles. My son had Selective Dorsal Rhizotomy in St. Louis Missouri and my husband had his third open heart surgery at Vanderbilt Hospital. It hasn't been dull. It's been too busy, in fact. Finding the discipline to keep at my writing with all of my life happening around me is quite a struggle. But I promise I will get there. I will write like a ninja. I will guard my time.

Wait, is it still morning? Yes, it is. I have 4 minutes till morning is over. When I wake up every morning what nags at me is my asthma. Yes, it really sucks when you suck at breathing. So I get up to use the bathroom and then take my Breo and my Spiriva. And if it still feels like my chest is hurting I go ahead and take two puffs of my rescue inhaler. My daughter usually gets up when I get up. She has not left my bed yet. But that’s okay. I go to the kitchen to pour two mugs of coffee from the carafe which my husband lovingly programmed the night before. Make sure the temperature is right so I don’t burn my tongue which I have done a lot in the past. Bring him one to his bedside then go to my office to try to get through 1500+ emails (which I never get through, that’s why it stay in the thousands). Eventually, my daughter will scream “I’m hungry.” I guess something she never shed after weaning (you see that’s the gift of breastfeeding, all you have to do is pick her up, put

At my age, I don’t really look forward to another year. At this point in my life, I feel that time goes by so fast. My kids are no longer babies and too many things happen every single day. Often times, the month just starts and then I get my menstruation period which used to be at the beginning of the double digits but it started sooner than that. It’s very unfortu nate, and painful, that at this point in my life my periods are highlighted by acne and pain/cramps. Why? In this stage of my life I’ve also realized that “whys,” no matter how sincere my questioning is, never gets answered. In my teens, the “whys” were always addressed to God, and yes, prayerfully, God started lagging and lacking early on. By the time I was 19, he (yes, it’s a man) completely failed me. As with the development of a divine self, or an all-powerful being, this is ultimately intertwined with one’s self-worth. So, by that time because he failed me, I am better off dead. Life has no meaning

I was introduced to this song by my daughter's chorus. Thanks, Ms. Trobaugh. Crazy that I've only heard of it now. My daughter learned about it at age 10. That's cool. Here are the lyrics-- Blackbird The Beatles Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise. Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these sunken eyes and learn to see All your life You were only waiting for this moment to be free. Blackbird fly, blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night. Blackbird fly, blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night. Blackbird singing … My favorite rendition is Sarah McLachlan's:  https://youtu.be/o8ac3tEltTU

So much has happened last week that I have not been able to write every day. 😞 Camp NaNoWriMo started yesterday and I was able to listen to the Virtual Write-in today. I am in the process of editing my first novel and it’s taking a lot of time. I haven’t gotten into a groove or a habit. Every day is a struggle but I commit myself to my writing so that my novel can get finished. It is the only way. I am continually experiencing de javu. The building and the structures that have been in my dreams are beginning to leak into my waking consciousness. I usually take that to mean that my unconscious is becoming conscious. Interweaving the life I left and the life I have now is an opening and a beginning. I know that in my dreams once I got away from the buildings I couldn’t get back to them no matter how much I tried. I’m pretty sure this means that I’m not supposed to go back. My past if looked at is full of regrets and guilt-trips. Shoulda, woulda, couldas… The Buddha

They say writers need deadlines.  ARGGHHHH!!!  Oh well. It's good to keep my foot to the fire, right? IngramSpark is March 31, 2017 And this contest is 3 days after that. The email-- The decision to self-publish your book is a bold move. It can take an unfathomable amount of time, research and money—maybe even a few sleepless nights. If you've self-published your book, you deserve recognition. You deserve to be rewarded for your dedication. Writer's Digest's Self-Published Book Awards  has been recognizing self-published excellence for more than 25 years, and this time around,  your book could win big. Here's what you could win $8,000 in cash A feature article about you and your book for the March/April 2018 issue of Writer's Digest A press release from Writer's Digest, to be sent, along with a copy of your book, to 10 different major publishing review houses A paid trip to the ever-popular Writer's Digest Conference! AND mo

I might be able to finish this book first before I finish my novel. The title is going to be "Sabrina the Kitty Cat." Here are some of her drawings so far-- This is Sabrina the Kitty Cat. She is lovely and cute, but she can be clumsy! She loves her home, especially all the knick-knacks her mom has collected. One day she was prancing around the living room pretending to be a runway model. But then--  She tripped on her favorite vase!                   Oops!                           Oh no!!! The vase broke!     What's going to happen?       What will she do?         Will mom get mad?                                                                               ...to be continued...

I need to see this too--

I need to see this--

This is from Bryan Collins and he's from Ireland. He has a blog called, "Become A Writer Today." I haven't blogged on here since the end NaNoWriMo. I have taken the pledge to edit my rough draft. I've been very busy this month because my husband had his third open heart surgery. I wanted to list this here so I can review it if I need to-- Here are five ways you can get motivated to write:  1. Associate ONE Place With Writing Irish novelist, John Banville gets up early every morning leaves his house and travels to an apartment in Dublin city where he spends the day working on his novels. He says: “I live in Dublin, God knows why. There are greatly more congenial places I could have settled in – Italy, France, Manhattan – but I like the climate here, and Irish light seems to be essential for me and for my writing.” You might not be able to afford an apartment solely for writing – and I agree with John about the weather – but you could carv