Heart Stuck in Throat

May 2021

It's truly a big month.
My heart stuck in my throat.
Sometimes I want to throw up.
Looking at houses. Getting the house in a seller's market

Seeing my past come by

My husband was really supportive
My son got upset about the thought of having to live in California
  He got upset therefore he got me upset.
My daughter insists that she is too emotional
 therefore needs her medication increased

Feeling useless
Feeling like a failure

Also, my daughter grieves her dad
Because she missed him so
Misinterpreting it as having a mental breakdown

Big emotions
Complicated emotions
Sifting through them is tough

Tomorrow we go back to Tennessee
What the future holds
Is uncertainty

You want to make things fit just right.
It's hard and there are
Too many sacrifices.

You know life is so complicated
I've written about wanting it to fit
Just perfectly so in whatever container
I want it to

But it never does

I get discouraged
You look at your children as extensions of yourself
And yes this is impossible
They are also their own person

And you want to give them wings to fly

The balancing act is tough.

Nevertheless
We keep on
Keeping on.


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