I AM WRITING

Wait, is it still morning? Yes, it is. I have 4 minutes till morning is over. When I wake up every morning what nags at me is my asthma. Yes, it really sucks when you suck at breathing. So I get up to use the bathroom and then take my Breo and my Spiriva. And if it still feels like my chest is hurting I go ahead and take two puffs of my rescue inhaler. My daughter usually gets up when I get up. She has not left my bed yet. But that’s okay. I go to the kitchen to pour two mugs of coffee from the carafe which my husband lovingly programmed the night before. Make sure the temperature is right so I don’t burn my tongue which I have done a lot in the past. Bring him one to his bedside then go to my office to try to get through 1500+ emails (which I never get through, that’s why it stay in the thousands). Eventually, my daughter will scream “I’m hungry.” I guess something she never shed after weaning (you see that’s the gift of breastfeeding, all you have to do is pick her up, put...

At my age, I don’t really look forward to another year. At this point in my life, I feel that time goes by so fast. My kids are no longer babies and too many things happen every single day. Often times, the month just starts and then I get my menstruation period which used to be at the beginning of the double digits but it started sooner than that. It’s very unfortu nate, and painful, that at this point in my life my periods are highlighted by acne and pain/cramps. Why? In this stage of my life I’ve also realized that “whys,” no matter how sincere my questioning is, never gets answered. In my teens, the “whys” were always addressed to God, and yes, prayerfully, God started lagging and lacking early on. By the time I was 19, he (yes, it’s a man) completely failed me. As with the development of a divine self, or an all-powerful being, this is ultimately intertwined with one’s self-worth. So, by that time because he failed me, I am better off dead. Life has no meaning...

I was introduced to this song by my daughter's chorus. Thanks, Ms. Trobaugh. Crazy that I've only heard of it now. My daughter learned about it at age 10. That's cool. Here are the lyrics-- Blackbird The Beatles Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise. Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these sunken eyes and learn to see All your life You were only waiting for this moment to be free. Blackbird fly, blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night. Blackbird fly, blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night. Blackbird singing … My favorite rendition is Sarah McLachlan's:  https://youtu.be/o8ac3tEltTU

So much has happened last week that I have not been able to write every day. 😞 Camp NaNoWriMo started yesterday and I was able to listen to the Virtual Write-in today. I am in the process of editing my first novel and it’s taking a lot of time. I haven’t gotten into a groove or a habit. Every day is a struggle but I commit myself to my writing so that my novel can get finished. It is the only way. I am continually experiencing de javu. The building and the structures that have been in my dreams are beginning to leak into my waking consciousness. I usually take that to mean that my unconscious is becoming conscious. Interweaving the life I left and the life I have now is an opening and a beginning. I know that in my dreams once I got away from the buildings I couldn’t get back to them no matter how much I tried. I’m pretty sure this means that I’m not supposed to go back. My past if looked at is full of regrets and guilt-trips. Shoulda, woulda, couldas… The Buddha ...

They say writers need deadlines.  ARGGHHHH!!!  Oh well. It's good to keep my foot to the fire, right? IngramSpark is March 31, 2017 And this contest is 3 days after that. The email-- The decision to self-publish your book is a bold move. It can take an unfathomable amount of time, research and money—maybe even a few sleepless nights. If you've self-published your book, you deserve recognition. You deserve to be rewarded for your dedication. Writer's Digest's Self-Published Book Awards  has been recognizing self-published excellence for more than 25 years, and this time around,  your book could win big. Here's what you could win $8,000 in cash A feature article about you and your book for the March/April 2018 issue of Writer's Digest A press release from Writer's Digest, to be sent, along with a copy of your book, to 10 different major publishing review houses A paid trip to the ever-popular Writer's Digest Conference! AND mo...